


Food For Thought

by Huntress69



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Crack, Everybody Picks On Ray, Everyday Things That Normal People Do But They Do It in Their Own Way, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 21:23:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6487855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntress69/pseuds/Huntress69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short trip to the supermarket. Because even (future) legends need to eat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Food For Thought

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Not beta'd - sorry. All mistakes mine. If you find any, please send Mick to spank me. I promise not to enjoy it in the slightest.  
> 2) If anyone likes it, and wants me to, I will (try to) turn this into a series  
> 2) This is what you call the "5 minute" fic. Although to be honest, it took about 15.  
> 3) Inspired by two kids fighting at the check-out line over which candy to get.

**Disclaimer:** I shall never get the chance to travel on the Waverider. Unless I fall into a black hole and emerge in some alternate universe.

**~~~~~~~~~~**

"I am fed up with your complaining about the food aboard this ship." Rip told his motley crew after they stated they were on a hunger strike. "Gideon prepares proper meals."

"If you're a rabbit." Mick sneered.

"Ice cream is food for the soul." Kendra frowned. 

"I miss bananas." Len sighed.

"I need bacon with my eggs." Sara actually growled.

"Condiments," Jax nodded.

"Real butter," Martin said.

"I like Gideon's food." Ray noticed six pairs of eyes upon him. "Or not."

"Fine," Rip agreed. "I'm sure we can find a grocery store before we leave this time period. We can go tomorrow."

**~~~~~~~~~~**

"Skippy!"

"Jif!"

"Skippy!"

"Jif!"

A fistfight broke out.

Len was in a headlock until he conceded defeat.

Mick got his Skippy.

"Strawberry!"

"Grape!"

"Strawberry!"

"Grape!"

Mick got a split lip.

Len got his grape jelly.

**_"CLEAN UP ON AISLE 7"_ **

**~~~~~~~~~~**

"Coke."

"Pepsi."

"We're getting Coke." Len put two cases into the cart.

Mick took them out. "Pepsi." He put two cases into the cart.

Len took them out.

"Dr. Pepper." Sara put **three** cases into the cart.

**_"CLEAN UP ON AISLE 10"_ **

**~~~~~~~~~~**

"That's shit," Mick groused.

"Salad is good for you," Ray grinned.

"Who cares?" MIck picked up a bag of oranges.

"They spray those with pesticides." 

"I got your favorite, Mick." Len held up a bag of apples. "Granny Smith's."

"DDT," Ray nodded.

 ** _"CLEAN UP IN THE PRODUCE DEPARTMENT"_** Pause. **_"FIRST AID KIT NEEDED"_**

**~~~~~~~~~~**

"That will not make for a healthy breakfast, Jefferson." Martin shook his head in scorn as Jax went for a box of cereal. "These are much better."

"There is no way I am eating shredded wheat."

"Well, what about this?"

"Shove your Raisin Bran."

"Fine, then, we'll get Rice Krispies."

"I'm getting the Cocoa Puffs."

"One more word and it will be Cream of Wheat."

"Not only that, I'm getting Cap'n Crunch and Fruit Loops also."

"Certainly not. We're getting oatmeal."

**_"CLEAN UP ON AISLE 3"_ **

**~~~~~~~~~~**

"What I wouldn't give to have those ribs barbecued," Jax said aloud.

"Not a problem, kid." Mick pulled his duster aside, revealing his heat gun.

"No, Mick, you may not cook the ribs in the store."

"But, Lenny...."

"How do you know the cows weren't fed steroids?" Ray supplied. 

**_"CLEAN UP IN THE MEAT DEPARTMENT"_** Pause. **_"FIRST AID KIT NEEDED - AGAIN"_**

**~~~~~~~~~~**

"I'm sorry, ma'am," the stock clerk said, "but you cannot eat food without paying for it first."

"We're women who want chocolate ice cream," Sara explained, "so shut your trap or I shut it for you."

"Look, lady, don't make me call the manager."

A moment later Sara was enjoying the ice cream.

So was Kendra, who seemed positively orgasmic...and then her wings flared; she quickly got them hidden.

 ** _"PLEASE IGNORE THE MAN SCREAMING ABOUT AN ALIEN INVASION IN THE FROZEN FOOD SECTION - THE AUTHORITIES HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED"_** Pause. **_"FIRST AID KIT NEEDED FOR AN ASSOCIATE BY THE ICE CREAM"_**

**~~~~~~~~~~**

**_"WILL THE (what was that, sir? Oh, okay.) FUTURE LEGENDS OF TOMORROW (Did I get that right? Good.) PLEASE COME TO THE FRONT OF THE STORE? YOUR PARTY IS WAITING FOR YOU. (No, sir, I can't say that. But, sir, you can't just....)"_ **

**_"I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T GET FINISHED RIGHT THE FUCK NOW I'M STRANDING YOU ALL HERE!"_ **

Four shopping carts crashed together as they got to the check out line.

"Green stamps," Martin smiled.

"What are those?" Jax asked.

"Before your time," Martin said. "You got them from shopping, filled up a booklet and chose things from a catalog."

"The Brady Bunch!" Kendra and Sara said in tandem.

"Oh yeah," Jax nodded, finally understanding. "The one where they got the TV."

"I'm curious to know how you're going to pay for all of this," Rip wondered aloud.

Mick took out a wad of cash. "Len and me made a bank withdrawal this morning."

"I did not need to know that."

"Don't get your panties in a twist," Len told him. "Nobody got hurt."

"Except for the bank teller," Mick pointed out.

"What did you do to the bank teller?" Rip demanded to know.

"She said Mick was cute and I had to tell her he was taken." Len sighed. "She cried when I kissed him."

Mick smirked. "Len's ego was bruised because she didn't hit on **him**."

Groceries all bagged, they went into the parking lot, ready to scoot around to an empty field behind the store, where the Waverider was parked, unseen by anyone.

Rip took a look around. "Where is Mister Rory?" 

The other six were at a loss.

"He was right behind us." Rip was clearly annoyed. "We couldn't have lost him. The man is 6'2" and built like a tank!"

"He'll show up," Len said. "He probably forgot something."

Ten minutes later the store emptied out. 

Seven minutes later they smelled it.

Four minutes later they saw the smoke.

Two minutes later Mick came ambling out of the store, looking none too happy.

One minute later the fire engines arrived.

Rip was furious when he heard Mick's explanation. "You cannot burn down a grocery store because they didn't have a snack!"

Mick was pouting. "But I wanted Doritos."

"It's 1961! They probably haven't been invented yet!"

Len was searching through everything. "We didn't get green stamps." 

"Yes," Martin said, "with all this food we should have gotten enough to fill three books of stamps."

"Fuck your green stamps! Let's just get back to the ship." Rip paused. "Where did he go **now**?"

Mick reappeared a moment later, smelling like burnt toast, holding an overstuffed bag. "Did somebody say green stamps?"

**FIN**


End file.
